


A Nice Dinner with the Family

by Sorcyress



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-31
Updated: 2011-12-31
Packaged: 2017-10-28 13:53:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/308544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sorcyress/pseuds/Sorcyress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose invites her girlfriend, Kanaya, home to experience that most dreaded part of human dating --meeting the parents!</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Nice Dinner with the Family

**Author's Note:**

  * For [adorababble](https://archiveofourown.org/users/adorababble/gifts).



> For adorababble! I hope you find it enjoyable and cute.

"We really don't have to do this." Rose said, not for the first time. Kanaya just smiled indulgently at her matesprit, and squeezed her hand a little tighter. "No one will be upset. We can just go and get a quiet dinner somewhere together."

"You said I could be your girlfriend." the troll teased. "You told me you would teach me all the silly rituals and ridiculous mindgames involved in human romance. All of them means all of them. Besides, I am looking forward to meeting your Lusus."

"My mother is not anything like your Lusus, I assure you. She's..." Rose paused, looking for the right word. "Demanding. She has exceptionally high standards for me, and makes it very clear when I haven't met them."

"I've told you about the matriorb, no?" Kanaya smiled softly, and nuzzled her girlfriend's neck. "This will go fine. If nothing else, I will learn things about human childhood, and why you are so interesting to me."

Unable to come up with any argument that would dissuade the troll, Rose sighed deeply and opened the front door of her mother's house. ("her house", a voice inside her head whispered, but no, her house remained locked away in a game she wouldn't return to even if she could.)

"Mom, I'm home." she yelled. The noise was unladylike, undignified. Normally Rose would have relished that fact, a mockery of the perfect young woman her mother expected her to be. But with Kanaya at her side, Rose felt suddenly embarrassed. However, the troll didn't remark on the uncouth action. (Or perhaps just didn't perceive it as such. In the few months they'd been together, the two budding anthropologists had already found dozens of subtle cultural differences. Rose made a mental note to ask about shouting sometime, the next time they had the "how are we different" conversation.) Kanaya was busy craning her neck to fully take in the decor of the house.

"Are all human dwellings so... focused?" Green-tinted lips curled into a smirk as Kanaya leaned closer to one of the many cabinets full of wizard figures, intent on getting a better look. Rose rolled her eyes.

"Now now, I've seen your hive. Fabric fabric everywhere and not a scrap to wear." Kanaya looked up, puzzled, until Rose explained the reference. "I'll loan you a copy of the poem" she added. "It's good, just a bit dramatic."

Kanaya smiled. "And where does it fit on the list?" She was, of course, referring to the extensive list of various media and pop culture that was considered to be vital knowledge by the various surviving players of Sburb and Sgrub. John's preference for terrible action movies largely dominated, but Karkat had made a noble showing in the ways of Troll film, and Terezi had offered a surprising number of interesting cartoons.

Further discourse was interrupted by the arrival of the older Lalonde lady, Rose's dear and dramatic mother. Mom Lalonde breezed into the room in a faint cloud of perfume. One hand clutched a martini glass (just refilled, of course), the other was extended towards Kanaya in a carefully considered gesture of affection.

"Hello, oh hello! You must be Rose's little friend. She's been talking about you every night, it's simply such a pleasure to finally meet you."

Rose sighed, cringing inwardly at her mother's turn of phrase. "Girlfriend, mother. Not little friend. Kanaya is my lesbian lover, and I'd rather prefer you respect that fact."

The smile plastered on Mom's face didn't diminish a single watt. "Of course." she simpered, giving Kanaya's hand a little squeeze. "We wouldn't want to get that wrong, now would we?" She winked at Kanaya, who luckily missed both the action and the intimacy it implied entirely. "Now let's all >ADJOURN to the sitting room, shall we? I don't want our guest to be uncomfortable, after all." She sailed through the french doors to the next room, where she would inevitably be refilling her now mysteriously empty glass.

Kanaya mock-scowled at Rose, "I thought we agreed I was your matesprit." she whispered as they followed mom, squeezing close to get through the doors side by side. "None of this human romance nonsense."

"I am _not_ explaining the quadrants to my mother and neither are you." Rose hissed back. "And if you try to make me, I swear to jegus you'll become my kismesis faster than you can say 'caliginous'."

Kanaya giggled, prompting Mom to look up from her mixology. "May I get you something to drink, Kanaya? Perhaps some hors d'oeuvres before we eat dinner?"

"That would be lovely." Kanaya replied, sitting carefully on the couch and looking around. Like the foyer, wizards dominated this room. "I find your decorations fascinating, Mrs. Lalonde. Tell me, is there some human significance to the symbol of an older man with a white beard that compels you so?"

Mom froze for just a half-second, momentarily unsure of herself. She blinked, but continued mixing the drinks --a dry martini for her, Shirley Temples for the girls (Rose had made the mistake of telling her mother a long time ago that they were her favourite drink. Her mother would now make her one when she wanted to be especially infuriating.)

"You should ask Rose." she said, a tightness in her voice belaying her discomfort. "She's the one with such a fondness for our magical elders. I just keep the collection for her." Kanaya turned to Rose, but found her mate staring silent at her mother, jaw slightly agape.

"How did you _do_ that?" she whispered under her breath? "Get the upper hand like that? I've been trying to fluster her for years."

Kanaya just stared back. "I...I don't understand. I just find the incessant tribute to -what are they- _wizards_ to be fascinating. You never indicated the obsession when we were chatting."

"Well, I had other things on my mind then." Rose accepted the glass from her mother with a frosty smile. She noted in the back of her mind that her mother had broken out the actual crystal, and started trying to think of a suitable counter to the action. Hand-washing them was a logical start...perhaps she could wrap them in velvet before she put them back in the china cabinet?

Her reverie was broken by the sudden sounds of sputtering, and her mother's giggle. Rose looked up, surprised by the sound. Mom was lounging in the armchair next to the couch, nearly spilling her glass as she laughed at Kanaya's struck expression. Kanaya was staring at her Shirley Temple dubiously, specks of red dotting her lips. She licked them away carefully (and Rose found herself staring entirely too hard at that tongue, running over those teeth, and thinking of things entirely inappropriate to be thinking of inside one's childhood home).

"What...what is _in_ this?" she asked finally. "It tastes like one of Gamzee's awful concoctions." She took another sip, and shrugged. "Only actually potable." A third sip, and she smiled at Rose over the rim of her glass. "So these are your favourite? Your mother will have to give me the recipe sometime."

"Oh, it's nothing, darling." Mom was already standing, her hands fluttering to a spare pad of paper, embossed with the family crest along the top. The pen she pulled from her sylladex had burgundy ink that glittered when the light hit it. In careful script, she wrote out the recipe, and handed it to Kanaya, who grinned and captchaloged it. Rose cringed. Mother was pulling out all the stops tonight, apparently. She was already dredging the inevitable several courses of dinner --in fact, the first one was probably going to be finished soon.

"Perhaps I should go set the table while you two talk." Rose said sweetly. "How many courses should I expect?"

"Oh, just salad, main, and dessert. Thank you, Rose, you're such a dear." Rose walked down the hall to the kitchen, hearing as she left "...she's always made such an effort to help out around the house, keeping it clean and nice." Did the woman's nefarious nature know no bounds?

Revenge was easy enough --Rose knew where her mother kept the good china, the wedding presents from so long ago. A full set of the Wedgewood Personages, safely stored in layers of wrapping to keep the pink just as bright as the day she'd gotten it. Rose carefully unwrapped each piece --even if it would be a wonderful act of self-sacrifice to go through the motions of finding another set, she wasn't sure her wallet wanted to handle such nobility-- and arranged them on the table. Good silver, too, and she went back to the sitting room to retrieve the champagne flutes (Why her mother insisted on keeping all the cups as close to the bar as possible continued to elude Rose, who often just wanted a drink of water).

When she passed her mother and lover, they were speaking animatedly about fashion design. Rose rather suspected her mother wasn't coming up with original design ideas so much as parrotting off her favourite overpriced stylists. But Kanaya was interested, and that was good enough. Rose paused for a moment to watch the troll-girl out of the corner of her eye --Kanaya had a preciseness to her appearance that her mother could only dream of managing. Unlike mom, the style never looked artificial, or contrived. It was just one in a long list of reasons Rose couldn't help but adore her matesprit.

She finished laying out the table, being sure to fetch the good tablecloth from the linen closet, and as an afterthought, a pair of candlesticks. While she was upstairs, she took a few moments to quickly reorganize the closet, carefully ordering everything by fabric and hue. It looked much neater when she was done, and she left a note detailing the changes taped to the doorknob.

"I'm ready when you are." she announced, standing solidly between the french doors. Her mother smiled, and darted off to the kitchen, calling behind her that the girls should go ahead and seat themselves.

"How goes your exploration of the wonderful world of human dating?" Rose quipped. Kanaya rewarded her with a warm grin, and a kiss on the cheek, being careful not to catch Rose with her fangs.

"Your mother is perfectly nice. She thinks you're almost as lovely as I do. Goodness, it must be exhausting being so adored."

"You have no idea. It's all quite contrived, I assure you. What sort of actions provide the best balance between infuriating and affectionate." Kanaya just shook her head, not willing to comprehend the complicated relationship between Rose and her mother. "Shall we dine, my lady?" Rose offered an arm, which Kanaya took with a smile.

"Yes we shall. And after dinner, we can return to my hive, and I can give you a proper thank you for introducing me to such a fascinating human ritual."

Rose felt a genuine smile creep across her face, and she leaned in, close to Kanaya's ear. "Perhaps I'll show you some other human dating rituals while I'm at it." she murmurred, and being so close, felt Kanaya's cheeks flush with warmth.

Her mother fawned over the precision with which Rose had laid the table, and Rose fawned over the presentation and skill present in the food. If beforedinner drinks had been won by her mother, Rose had clearly outdone her in the dinnertime arena --and she smiled to herself as she remembered a few other presents she had left. With something to look forward to, dinner went by much quicker than feared. Rose was about to clear the table, when Kanaya surprised her by offering, carrying the dishes gently to the sink and rinsing them of food.

Her mom smiled at her, enjoying an after-dinner coffee (with a shot of Baileys thrown in for good measure). "She's just as helpful as you are. Such a darling pair, you two." Rose made a face when her mom wasn't looking, and stared after the swinging door between the kitchen and dining room as Kanaya went through it.

As awful as the idea seemed, she was forced to agree with her mother. Troll or not, Kanaya made her happy. Nothing her mother could do would change that fact. She planned on staying with her girl-mate-friend-sprit for a very long time. <3

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like the end is a little rushed and I'm not quite happy with that, but I really loved the prompt, and hope I did a good job of it. I love anything that forces trolls and humans to find a balance in their cultures, and I think Kanaya and Rose would be two of the most thoughtful about the idea.


End file.
